very sad.
hey everyone. im basically gonna use you guys as a support
group cuz im feeling like total shit right now. i got
diagnosed as a type 1 about 7 months ago, and after a small
period of time, i thought that i adjusted well…my HBa1c
was 6.7…things were going smooth. but then, all of a sudden,
a couple weeks ago, i just started getting unbelievably
depressed. i constantly had me being a diabetic on my mind
24 hours a day, and i still do…all im thinking about
is where is my insulin, how am i going to carry it when i go
out, did i remember my syringe, and constantly obsessing
about my glucose levels, where i cant be functional for the
rest of the day….i know this is bad, but im just in a really
bitter stage, comparing myself to all my friends and everyone
who doesnt have to deal with all this bullshit all day.
i think i need to change my frame of mind, or else im in
deep trouble. cuz im not functional at all. i cant have
conversations with people, cuz im not focused at all, im
obsessing in my miseries.
i dont know what any of you guys could do to help me.
i need to help myself, change my perspective on life, but
i dont know how.
maybe ill be able to relate to some of your experiences.
please write back..sorry this was such a depressing msg,
but im just being honest of how i feel.
–peace. bassem (age 22)
March 2nd, 2003 at 6:37 am
Bassem said:
I have been Type 1 for 38 years. It doesn’t qualify me to speak on depression but I can speak to surviving with diabetes. There are many physical problems that can cause depression with diabetes. They are chemical or hormonal in nature. GO TO A DOCTOR and get these chemical possibilities checked out. Get yourself a high quality physician or diabetes clinic and allow them to address any possible physical cause for your feeling badly. Do not accept an average quality or non-diabetic specialist as your physician. Get the best.
In my opinion the best Diabetes Clinic is the Joslin center in Boston Massachusetts. I strongly recommend it. I have lived in California for the last 40 years yet I would go there if I had a serious problem. It is worth it.
I went there in 1989 (my only time) and had a thorough evaluation. They are extremely understanding of your diabetic problems and needs and will explain everything to you. They will teach you and tell you how to learn all the things you need to know about diabetes. Everyone there specializes in diabetes and has decades of experienced teachers to draw on. They know so much about diabetes it is unbelievable.
You are 22 years old and have not had Type 1 IDDM for very long. Go to the best teachers and the best institutions for learning about diabetes AND LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. You don’t understand it yet. It will take years of experience and practice to properly do this on your own so learn from the people who have had fifty or more years experience dealing with this condition. Go to a high quality diabetes clinic. Find one. Take the time and effort to learn about this disorder that is still new to you.
I am sorry to tell you this but the average doctor does not know the hundreds of daily facts that you need to know in order to successfully keep yourself healthy and happy. You need a diabetic specialist or a diabetes clinic and you need one that is good at communicating this knowledge to you. This is a learning process and it takes a while to understand what you need to know. Take the time to learn about your condition and do not take the advice of a general physician who does not specialize in diabetes. He simply does not have ALL the information you need.
You are still young and have plenty of time to understand this condition. Furthermore, there is a good chance that diabetes will have a “cure” like implanted insulin cells in the next 10 or 15 years. Keep yourself healthy until then! You can deal with this if you get the right advice. Go to a good clinic.
Good Health!
Carlos E
“After 35 years of research the answer is still just around the corner.”
March 3rd, 2003 at 6:50 pm
Hey Bassem! Sorry to hear all this. I have a couple personal
experiences I’ll share with you, hope they help. The first one is, I
was 16 when I was diagnosed with Multiple Schlerosis.I was 2 weeks
from starting college as a pre-med student. I was fine at first, then
starting thinking things like ‘no one is going to want to see a
crippled doctor’ and so on. So I quit going to class, then I dropped
out all together. Then denial set in, and anger, and then finally,
years later, acceptance. Now to diabetes, even though I’m not the one
who has it, when my son was diagnosed I went through alot of the same
stuff you’re describing. I was obssessed with what time it was, when
would he need toeat, have a shot, etc. Would go grocery shopping,
come home, and realize I had bought everything carb free, and it was
dinnertime, and he needed to have carbs. I was very overprotective,
wouldn’t let him out of my site. Then i would go through times of
extreme anger- not at him, but about why us, why isn’t there anything
we can do, how will I ever be able to move on with my life and let
him have one of his own? Then the depression about what would his
life turn out to be like? Will he be ostracized at school, will he be
able to play sports, will he ever get to be ‘normal’? Now I am
getting past alot of this (still a bit overprotective, but getting
better, and now my hubby is stepping in as the overprotective one, so
he’ll have to work through it) I’m getting more adventurous letting
him try things, I am used to the food now, so shopping is much
easier, and I know we have some leeway about time of eating and shots
and it’s not the end of the world if I forget his insulin (VERY
rarley) and give him his shot when we get back home. I’m still a
little obsessive about making sure I don’t oversleep too much, and a
little more overprotective than I should be, and I still have times
of depression and anger, but it gets better. Have you ever heard of
the 4 (or is it 5?) stages of dying? It’s the stages people who know
they are dying go through, and people with chronic, life threatening
diseases also go through them. There is (I don’t remember the order,
sorry- been alot of years since I learned all this) denial, anger,
depression, and acceptance. People will move in and out of these
stages all the time, it’s just something that happens. Even now,
after 11 years with MS, I still fall back out of acceptance
occasionally. I know most med schools have extensive counseling
available for students, and for me anyway, the more I know, the
better I feel. Keep your chin up, keep us posted, and I hope this all
helped a little bit. I guess the main point is, it does get better.
Melissa
March 4th, 2003 at 8:29 pm
Hi, Bassem! I’m sorry you are feeling so down right now. Depression
can be a very painful place to be in. As others have said, please
see your doctor and consider trying an antidepressant on a trial
basis to see if it helps. Grieving the loss of “life as you knew it”
seems inevitable for anyone who is diagnosed with something that
changes their life routine and I don’t think most medical doctors
talk enough about that to patients. You have been so kind and
helpful in your posts to others on this list. Thanks for being
willing to reach out for support for yourself. You need it and you
deserve it! Please know I am thinking of you and hoping you will
feel better about this very soon. Hang in there! Suzanne
March 6th, 2003 at 5:18 am
Hi, Melissa,
I don’t know how old your son is, but it sounds like he is very much
still under your guidance. I wanted to drop you a line to say that
you need to know that your son can do anything he wants to do.
No, I don’t mean that he can do anything within reason. I mean he can
do anything. You need to be there telling him how he can do what he
wants, not why he can’t.
Ron Santo was diagnosed as type 1 diabetic while in training camp his
rookie year. He played third base for the Cubs from 1959 to 1974. He
didn’t just play; He was a star. You might want to look at Ron
Santo’s autobiography, For Love of Ivy.
Chris Dudley, like me, was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in his
sophomore year of high school. He went on to become a star high
school, then college, then NBA basketball center.
Of course, diabetes treatment has improved over the past few years.
Bill Talbert was diagnosed in 1928, seven years after the discovery
of insulin. He was 10 years old, and doctors advised him against any
vigorous activity. He started playing tennis at the age of 14 anyway.
He won 38 titles in the 1940s and ’50s. He finally passed away in
1998, at the age of 80.
Let your son do what he can. And try not to underestimate him.
Jerry
March 7th, 2003 at 1:38 pm
Hey Jerry. He is 8. I know he can do anything, but it’s one thing to
Melissa
know it and another to get over the fear of the potential problems.
But, like I said, I am definately getting over the overprotectiveness
thing, slowly but surely. Barring any problems between now and then,
he should be going to his first camp this summer- a diabetes one. I
think the fact that he is our only child doesn’t help us much LOL.
And I’m hoping to get him into some more stuff this summer. Another
thing is we’ve already experienced the long healing time with
diabetes. He broke his arm 2 years ago, and was in a cast and then
brace for over 3 months total, it just wouldn’t heal. But, again, I
am getting better about it, and now it’s my husband’s turn to start
working through it since before it was always me saying no so he
didn’t have to worry about it LOL. Thanks for the info though.